Removing the Urgency

Last Updated on Sunday, 14 April 2013 02:58 Written by Wes Sunday, 14 April 2013 02:58

Support Forum member MoreToLife posted an interesting comment on the feeling of “urgency” that can accompany the compulsion to act out. This led to several interesting comments, and I thought I’d share PuddleGlum’s post below:

“I think this issue strikes right at the heart of many addictions/compulsive behaviors. The feeling of being off center, out of sync, out of control is so uncomfortable that we become desperate to fix it. We medicate with food or alcohol or drugs or sex or work or (fill in the blank). In my own recent experience in dealing with the pornography I have had times where I felt my mind starting down an unhealthy path and felt that I really did not have any way of adequately reversing this. I suspect that if I was hooked up inside some test tube or lab at this time the instruments would detect a slight increase
in my pulse, a little increased muscle tension and some alteration in brain wave patterns indicating increased vigilance. What I have learned to do, out of a desire to maintain sobriety, is to FREEZE. This is like setting a car into neutral. Mentally/emotionally I’m not going anywhere, but quite significantly I am not continuing on the unfruitful path. This is like a time out. There is no immediate relief of “Whew! That was close!”, the benefits are all delayed.
It is a putting self into cold storage, taking self out of the game, trusting that self will awaken to a more appropriate way of dealing with life. The positive feelings come later when you affirm to self that “Yeah, you avoided that”, more thanksgiving than celebration. ”

By the way, you can read the entire thread by clicking here.

New Years Resolutions or transformation?

Last Updated on Monday, 11 February 2013 02:26 Written by Wes Wednesday, 2 January 2013 01:03

Those who have read Ten Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction may wonder how New Year’s resolutions apply to recovery. First, I think in our collective consciousness, at least in the U.S., there’s a feeling that New Year’s resolutions are meant to be broken. Secondly, the word resolve itself is a bit loaded. I resolve to change, just seems too insurmountable. Rather than resolve to change, we simply need to transform into something different. Ten Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction walks us straight through the process of transforming. I hope you find it the perfect way to start the new year! I wish you a wonderful 2013.

Spousal Support

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:44 Written by Wes Monday, 14 May 2012 04:42

I’ve been away for a month. My wife and I were asked to write and direct a play for teenagers. And it took a lot of time and focus, and we all had a wonderful time together. We tried to create something that would be funny, and that the kids could be proud to be a part of.

In the midst of all this, I got stressed. And one night, when I couldn’t sleep, I engaged in borderline activities. Activities, that for me, can be extremely triggering. The next morning, I told my wife that I had had a problem, I told her what I had done, and I remember saying, “I hate myself when I get this way.”

My wife leaned over, and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then hugged me tight.

Read the rest of this post by clicking here.